I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
