So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
