after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
