so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
