You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
