Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
