no, he came in my armpit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
