chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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