Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
