apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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