i think my mom watched the whole time
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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