"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
