the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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