I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
