tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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