i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
