I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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