i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
