Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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