I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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