Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
