this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
