mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
