its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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