we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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