yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
