peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize