woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize