It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
handjob tips. give me some.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
