508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
