This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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