the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
