Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
