My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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