If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
