I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
