It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
