I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
