We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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