erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
