and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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