Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize