Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
