she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
