I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize