Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
