i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
