Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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