he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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