new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i now understand why vodka
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
