i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
