True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
