Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
