The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
