Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
