just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Let's get the cat blown out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
