can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
