dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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