Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
