After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize