I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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