So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
