I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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