I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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