we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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