Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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