I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
