the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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