I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
