Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
