alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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