i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
