I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
